Yep, I figured that out yesterday. I don’t like admitting it, but I know I have to in order to change.

You see, I moved to the Rainier Valley on Thursday. I have been looking forward to living here for a long time, and very seriously considered doing it this past year. Now I’m finally here, and it’s great. The best thing about this part of town is its diversity. I just read that two thirds of the residents here are African American or Asian. For the first time in my life I am a racial minority.

So, as I explored the Valley a little bit yesterday, I realized I was racist. It’s not a very fun thing to realize. It’s not huge, I don’t hate any race more than another. But I found myself more suspicious and cautious around groups of people that weren’t white. I think that’s a problem. I think that’s wrong. So I’m going to work on it.

A couple of interesting things happened as I was out and about. I went to shoot baskets at a nearby park last night. I played for a while, and then walked around the park and sat at a picnic table. Lots of kids were showing up, many different age groups represented. As one kid walked by (he was probably 7 or 8 ) he looked at me and said, “hey nigga, you seen my knife? You seen my knife?” A little at a loss, I mumbled a no and he walked past. As I walked out of the park, he said, “whats up?” I said, “not much, hows it going?” “Good.” Then as I walked away, “bye.” So not much, but who knows, maybe I’ll see this kid again and we can talk some more.

As I walked past a bus stop on the way back to my house a man I had seen earlier asked about the bus. I had no answer for him, as I hadn’t taken that bus before. I told him good luck and was a few steps away when I heard him say, “It was nice to see another white guy around here.” Again at a loss, this time I said nothing and kept walking. Why didn’t I think of something to say? I definitely did not agree with him, the thought hadn’t crossed my mind at all regardless of my earlier realizations. Here’s the best answer I can come up with now, “You know, that thought never crossed my mind. You see, I enjoy the fact that everyone looks different, and a world where everyone is the same would be incredibly boring. Think about that and get back to me.” I can always think of the most witty things to say, unfortunately it’s usually about 20 minutes too late. I notice this happens around girls a lot. Alright, sorry I’m rambling.

So those are some of my first adventures in the Rainier Valley. I look forward to many more. Oh, and I heard 4 gunshots last night. Don’t tell my mom.

A wise man told me today that learning how to be in relationship with people teaches you how to be in relationship with God. When you learn how to trust people, or have faith in people, you can better practice those with God.

When I think about relationships I think about interactions. I think conversations, greetings, goodbyes. How do I look at that person? When I speak with them, am I concerned about what is going on in their lives, or do I want to talk about myself?

As I think more about it, this whole “relationship with God” thing is very confusing. How do I ask God how he’s doing? What can I offer God? How can I help God? You see, I show care by being concerned, by offering help. I can worship God, and I am assured that he takes pleasure in it. But, would God be worse off if I hadn’t worshipped him?

I thought about starting off this blog with a controversial rant about something like science and religion, but I started reading Blue Like Jazz and Don Miller inspired me to write down these thoughts. Or questions really.

I’ll end with this. Earlier in the quarter I was in a night class. I was tired and stressed, and the professor sensed that much of the class was in the same state. So she started class with prayer, and she said, “Picture yourself at the feet of Jesus, and take comfort in that.” I imagined myself with Jesus, first at his feet. But then, we were sitting outside chatting over coffee. I smiled to myself. And I felt an incredible amount of peace. I got this overwhelming feeling that chatting with Jesus would be the coolest thing ever, and some day I will have that experience. Can you imagine it? I look forward to sharing a meal with a favorite professor, but Jesus? That’s just amazing, incredible…

And to an extent, I can experience that now. I’m just trying to figure out how.